Many people think that when it comes to arguments/disagreements they've done nothing wrong on their part. But lets be honest, that's not true. So let's really think about if we are as innocent as we claim to be.
It is nearly impossible that someone will have 100% clean hands. We've all done some bad deeds whether we keep them a secret or try and forget about them they are still there and should be addressed.
Theres always two sides to every story
No matter if if the tales are true or not there will always be two sides to every story. We tend to play down our part in what's happened or exaggerate what the other person did/said. And just like Chinese whispers by the time everyones spoken about it, its turned into a whole new story! For this reason exactly I find word of mouth a very unreliable source because are we really being told the truth?
Then comes the part where we have to try to come to terms with the fact that people may never see or believe our side of the situation which is HARD! What if it changes the way people think of us? Why aren't people believing or listening to me when I'm trying to tell the truth? These are questions that we ask ourselves and can drive us mad because like most things in life, they are left unanswered.
Holding the mirror up
We need to start accepting what we have done, it may be hard to face and we may regret what we did but most of the time there's a chance to TRY and put things right. Isn't of telling yourself that you are the victim, put yourself into the other persons shoes and think why they may feel that THEY are the victim? People tend to find this SO difficult and that's because we have to be self critical and admit that we have done wrong. Now I know people may say "well I'm very critical of myself, I always pick out the flaws in my appearance". Well I'm not talking about the outside. I'm talking about looking at what's in the inside, going back in time and admitting that maybe JUST MAYBE you're not entirely innocent after all.
Now this isn't to say you're a bad person. Far from it. Just because you've done something 'bad' doesn't mean you are bad. And that's what people need to start to realise. Sometimes we are so quick to blame others all because we don't want to be the one in wrong. I don't know if people do this because they're worried if they don't then it may disrupt their image/reputation? Maybe they do it to have a 'clean hands'? Or maybe people tell themselves (and others) they've done nothing wrong because they genuinely believe that is the truth and they are just THAT arrogant. Because let's be real, there's PLENTY of arrogant, pretentious and self righteous people out there.
How often do you find yourself saying any of the following:
It was all THEIR fault
Yes, I shouted but its only because THEY shouted first
And now think how often you ask yourself:
Did I contribute to the problem?
The Primary school approach
Next time someone approaches you complain or gossip about what someone did to them. Stop. And take the Primary school teacher's approach. When a child says to the teacher "So and so just hit me" the teacher will respond by saying "That's not nice, did you do something for him to have that reaction?" And more often that not the child will say something along the lines of "I took his colouring pencil". So the next time someone says to you "Can you believe that so and so did this to me" STOP and ask: Well can you think of something you did that maybe made them do that?
Most actions are a reaction. And when you are reacting to something there's emotion involved. So try and hold the mirror up ands the next time you find yourself saying "Why did they do that to me" think about their current circumstances (are they going through something right now? Are they dealing with something difficult?) and ask yourself "Did I do something that caused them to do that?" HOLD THE MIRROR UP.
Overreaction or just a reaction?
Ive had a couple of occasions recently where I've behaved out of character and usually this is fuelled by emotion from unresolved issues. But it's done now. At a glance my reaction could be seen as bizarre or uncalled for. But it was a reaction to nasty/hurtful and spiteful things being said about me, to my face. Unfortunately it's not as easy as we think to 'turn the other cheek' or to 'take the highroad' sometimes we just react. And that's okay.
Although try not to always blame yourself. I hate to leave this on a cliche but much like the Primary school approach, remember this:
'Take the plank of wood out of your own eye before you comment on the speck of dust in someone else's'
This means don't be a hippocratic. Focus on changes you need to make on yourself before you judge/put the blame on others.
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